Prestige du Monde (PdM)
  • Home
  • About
    • Advertise with Us
    • Contact
  • Society
    • Bisous Bisous
  • Business
    • MJ Products >
      • Quick Loss
  • I Am Chicago
  • Product

@prestigedumonde

"Vanilla and Spice Over Chocolate and Rice": Grindr Confessionals

1/13/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
Image courtesy of writer.
By Kyle Grinderstein | Special Contributor

Note: the names in this piece have been changed to respect the privacy and authenticity of the writer. All opinions/perspectives/experiences in this piece are solely of the writer's and not reflective of Prestige du Monde's ideologies.


I'm not attracted to black guys, or fat guys. I'm not into rice, nor am I into guys old enough to be my dad. I prefer to date someone around my age, with a good job, and interested in skiing and rowing. Let's be honest, in the world of gay dating, specifically online dating, rejection and racism often travel hand in hand. There’s just about every version of “no [insert insanely large portion of the population]” on a wide-range of dating sites.  No blacks, no Asians, no fems, no fats, no old guys. Is this racism? No, it's just a preference.

Grindr, an app specific geared towards the gays, is more and more of a platform intentionally used to hook-up versus establish long-lasting relationships: hooray us. I admit, I am a big user of the mobile app and confess I have no problem putting my preferences out into the digital world. If I'm on looking for a good time, I don't want to waste my time talking to people I won't want to meet: this makes sense. I'm more of a vanilla and spice than chocolate and rice kinda guy.

I'm not racist: I have black, Mexican, Asian, and old friends. My best friend is the cutest girl from Colombia, my favorite teacher in high school is an adorable over-weight African American, and my favorite restaurant is Chinese. My preference for who I want to sleep with is based on my tastes and not on whether I dislike someone based on something they cannot change. Sure, I work with plenty of women, but I don't ever want to date them. This doesn't make me a racist: it makes me a realist. When did choosing what flavor ice cream you enjoy become a crime?

I debated explaining my preferences to the world, but in order to save the Kyley-Go-Lightly time and the rest of the guys with preferences, I need to come clean about what I like. I grew up in Edison Park, a predominantly middle class Irish neighborhood with plenty of ties to the Chicago PD. I went to Catholic school all of my life, didn't come out until I was 22, and the first guy I started dating, Brian, is mixed. The most beautiful guy in the world, his background is not something that interested me: I was attracted to how good looking and smart he was. I am an accountant and work in the southwest suburbs. I am currently dating a guy that fits my profile, and I'm OK with that.

At the wise age of 29, I have gone through my share of heart-break, flings, and plenty of flirting with the right (and plenty of wrong) people. Sure, the gays love their online profiles. Let's be honest: this is one of the most archaic ways we could find a mate back in the day. Now, Grindr simply makes meeting other guys so much easier. With such ease also comes territory for everyone to message you, cute and not. Many of my gay friends believe gay online dating is more harmful than good for the gay community, what with it's standards and dash-and-go options to either respond to a stud or block (big red X) a goblin. However, I don't think it's all bad: what else would we do at 3am on an average night? I mean, we're all looking for friends at that hour.

I admit, there are times when I simply want to write "no black, no Asian, no fat" on my profile, but I prefer to not sound like a douche and write that directly in the response. I've had plenty of conversations with friends of all backgrounds, and some think that I am a racist while others believe it really is just a preference. Does it really matter? Why do you care if I'm dating a black guy, a transgender, or my grandpa? It really is my business, but it seems that my preference is everyone's business.

One specific experience that embodies my all of this took place three weeks ago in Boystown. I was dining out with my current arm candy and noticed a group of a certain race coming into the restaurant. Everyone noticed how loud, obnoxious, and seemingly-unfit they were for the establishment, not to mention if they were going to actually pay for their meals or not. I look over and smiled, but my friendly gesture wasn't taken too well. One of the younger guys in the group looked at me and accused me of "staring him down." I respectfully asked the twenty-something to stay away before I called the manager, and he immediately called me a racist (explicit). Now, if I wanted to be a douchie racist, this would be the perfect moment to do so. However, I am above that and know that this black man was not angry at me but was angry at the fact the establishment blatantly did not want them in the restaurant. My dear, that's life: get over it.

Trust me, if I wanted to be a butt-head Chicago makes it incredibly easy to do so. I'm a nice guy and I don't blame any race for any of society's crimes. What I do blame society for is stigmatizing me for my preferences, for having a say in who I want to sleep with. If an Asian messaged my on Grindr as soon as I am finished writing this piece, I would respectfully decline without a need to explain myself (unless they became annoying like these boys usually do).

I unapologetically embrace my preferences and have no problem using the beautiful red X on my favorite battery-waster. Next time someone accuses me of being a racist on Grindr, I'm just going to smile, drink a glass of merlot, and hold my partner's hand knowing I have exactly what I want and lack everything I don't.
2 Comments

5 Reasons You're Not Getting a Date

1/3/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
By Sandy Chang | Society Reporter

It can be frustrating when you try and try to secure a date and you still can’t get that certain someone to go out with you. You might be at a dinner party, you might be on Tinder (or Grindr), or you might be at a bar and the ladies just won’t bat their eyelashes at you and provide a phone number. Don’t worry, we know what’s wrong – here are the five reasons that you’re not getting a date.

YOU COME ON TOO STRONG TOO FAST

Don’t get me wrong, men and women like being desired – it’s the greatest compliment after all, but just because a lady/gent enjoy your attention and maybe even thinks that you’re cute, it doesn’t mean that you can just get their phone number. It takes several minutes of small talk and a spark to make a person inclined to provide you with a phone number. Ask for too early and you’ll be swiftly rebuffed.

YOU’RE NOT LEADING AND ENDING THE CONVERSATION

When you’re chatting up your prospective dating candidate you should dictate the conversation and leave the person wanting more. Get chatting, make small talk on a subject that you’re comfortable with, make a joke – if this person laughs and touches your arm; bang! That’s your cue to go but before you excuse yourself to get back to your friends, ever so casually ask him/her for their phone number (or Facebook, Twitter handle, etc., whatever you two feel more comfortable).

YOU’RE BEING A BORE

Either you’re being boorish or boring and it’s resulting in you being rebuffed left, right and center. You probably don’t realize that you’re being course or not coming across as interesting but being a bore is a major turnoff in dating. Try and ask friends where you’re going wrong with your conversation starters and alter your persona around those you don’t know well.

YOU BELIEVE IN LUCK

Guys, dating has nothing to do with luck. Many women are surprisingly responsive to men that have the courage to strike up conversation with them and ask them out – so be polite but be persistent. However, if by the third attempt the lucky gal (or guy) is not interested you may want to give it a rest.

YOU’RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH

Some men expect beautiful women just to fall into their lap – quite literally! Obviously this is a flawed attitude to have and you should be prepared to put in effort (a lot of effort). Dating is an intuitive game and your catch can usually tell if you're not entirely interested in engaging with them. Basically, be a gentleman about your approach but make it well-known that you are here to stay (at least for the time being).

0 Comments

    Local Love

    From your neck of the woods to the world.

    Picture

    Archives

    March 2016
    January 2016
    August 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    October 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    February 2014
    October 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
© 2012-2022 by Prestige du Monde Media Group, LLC. All rights reserved.